"I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?"
This is probably one of my favourite quotes, if not my favourite. It's hard to explain, but it just feels like me, it kind of puts into words what I have been feeling for so long. Truth is, I do not know who I am. I mean, I know my name, my age, my looks... But I do not know who I am inside. Many people feel this way because they have created several different personas for different people. My problem is different. I have not created different mes for different people, I have simply hid myself so much I forgot who I am. I forgot what I like, what I dislike; I forgot my dreams and aspirations; I forgot my fears and even my emotions. For so long I tried to disappear, to hide, to become invisible. Turns out I cannot do that. Now I am left here, with no idea of who I am. People know the little parts I was unable to hide. They know me as the quiet girl who gets good grades. That is only for the people who know me just a bit. Most people do not know me, at all.
"To have someone understand your mind is another kind of intimacy"
This quote is closely tied to the previous one. The main reason I tried to hide myself (and still do to some extent) is that I did not feel comfortable with people knowing me. It felt (and feels) really weird for people to be interested in me, for people to simply know things about me. It might sound really silly, but there is nothing I can do about it. Most people think of intimacy as having sex - and do not get me wrong, sex still feels like too intimate-, but people knowing me feels a lot more intimate. I do feel really unconfortable with the idea of people seeing me like that - I feel unconfortable with people simply looking at me. But people actually knowing me - that is a whole different level. My thoughts are the most private part of me, they are something only I know. So naturally it feels very weird for people to know them or even show interest in them. Many people think of thoughts as something worthless, but they are trully what makes humans human, so naturally they should be protected. Most people only get to know your thoughts - and that already feels really intimate - so how much more intimate must it be for someone to understand them?